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  • Writer's pictureEniokos

Understanding the Mother Wound: Causes, Effects, and Healing Strategies

The Mother Wound is a term used to describe the emotional pain and trauma that can result from an unhealthy mother-child relationship. I will explore here the causes and effects of the mother wound, as well as steps that can be taken to heal from it.

Causes of the Mother Wound

The mother wound can be caused by various factors, including neglect, abuse, abandonment, or a lack of emotional attunement.


Neglect occurs when a mother fails to provide her child with basic needs, such as food, shelter, or emotional support. Neglect can lead to feelings of abandonment, worthlessness, and mistrust.


Abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Children who experience abuse at the hands of their mother may develop deep emotional scars that can last a lifetime.


Abandonment occurs when a mother leaves her child behind, either physically or emotionally. Children who experience abandonment may feel rejected, unloved, and unwanted.

Lack of Emotional Attunement

Emotional attunement refers to a mother's ability to understand and respond to her child's emotional needs. Mothers who are emotionally unavailable or unresponsive may cause their children to feel neglected, unimportant, or unseen.

Effects of the Mother Wound

The effects of the mother wound can be far-reaching, impacting a person's emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Children who grow up with a mother wound may struggle with a range of issues, including low self-esteem, difficulty forming healthy relationships, and challenges with emotional regulation. They may also struggle with anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

Low Self-Esteem

A mother's love and validation are crucial for a child's self-esteem. When a mother is absent, neglectful, or abusive, a child may internalize these experiences and develop low self-esteem. This can lead to feelings of unworthiness, shame, and self-doubt, which can negatively impact a person's relationships and ability to achieve their goals.

Difficulty Forming Healthy Relationships

Children who grow up with a mother wound may also have difficulty forming healthy relationships with others. They may struggle with trust and have a fear of abandonment or rejection. This can make it challenging for them to form close and fulfilling relationships, both romantically and socially. They may think of themselves as strong, self-reliant, freedom seeking people who are just not the sentimental type. In reality, they may actually struggle with the vulnerability that comes with commitment and trust. They may find it difficult to form intimate, loving, and trusting relationships. In time, they may also struggle to have normal and healthy relationships with their own kids.

Emotional Regulation Challenges

The mother-child relationship is an essential aspect of a child's emotional development. When a child's emotional needs are not met or are met with negative experiences, they may struggle with emotional regulation. This can lead to difficulties managing their emotions, such as feeling overwhelmed by strong emotions or having intense emotional reactions to situations that others may perceive as less significant.

In addition to these issues, the mother wound may also contribute to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). A person who experienced abuse or neglect from their mother may carry the trauma with them, and it may impact their relationships and daily life. The trauma may lead to addiction issues and other unhealthy coping mechanisms later on in life. The impact of the mother wound can also manifest in physical symptoms, such as chronic stress, fatigue, and chronic pain. It is not believed by many experts that many autoimmune diseases and cancers are caused by chronic stress and childhood trauma.

The effects of the mother wound can be profound and long-lasting. It is essential to seek support and help from professionals to address the impact of the mother wound and work towards healing.

Healing the Mother Wound

Healing the mother wound can be a long and challenging process. It requires a willingness to confront painful emotions and memories and a commitment to self-care and self-compassion.

Is the mother to blame?

It is common for individuals with a mother wound to struggle with assigning blame to their mother for the pain and trauma they have experienced. This can be especially true in cases where the mother herself has experienced significant hardship or trauma, leading to behaviors that contributed to the mother wound.

In these cases, the child may feel conflicted about holding their mother responsible for their emotional pain. They may feel a sense of guilt or shame about placing blame on a mother who has already experienced so much struggle and hardship. Additionally, they may struggle with feelings of betrayal or disloyalty towards their mother, as if acknowledging her role in their pain is a betrayal of the love and care she has provided.

However, it is important to recognize that acknowledging the mother's role in causing the mother wound is not the same as blaming or shaming her. It is possible to hold compassion and understanding for the mother's own struggles while also recognizing the ways in which her behaviors or actions have impacted the child's emotional well-being.

In order to heal from the mother wound, individuals may need to work through these conflicting emotions and beliefs, and begin to separate their mother's struggles and trauma from their own emotional pain. This can involve seeking support from a therapist or counselor, practicing self-compassion and forgiveness, and learning to set healthy boundaries in relationships.

Ultimately, healing from the mother wound requires a willingness to acknowledge the complex nature of the mother-child relationship, and to work towards finding a place of understanding, acceptance, and healing. Here are some crucial strategies for healing from Mother Wound.

Seeking Therapy

Seeking therapy can be an important tool in healing the mother wound. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive environment for exploring painful emotions and memories and can help develop coping strategies for managing difficult emotions.

Practicing Self-Care

Practicing self-care is also essential in healing the mother wound. This includes taking care of physical needs, such as getting enough sleep and exercise, as well as emotional needs, such as practicing mindfulness and self-compassion.

Building Healthy Relationships

Building healthy relationships is an important part of healing the mother wound. This includes developing close relationships with supportive friends and family members and learning to trust others.


Forgiveness can be a powerful tool in healing the mother wound. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning past hurts, but rather, it means letting go of anger and resentment and moving forward with compassion and understanding. Forgiveness is not about absolving person who hurt you of their wrong-doings. In the psychotherapeutic context, forgiveness is about self-healing and self-compassion.

The mother wound is a painful and complex issue that can have long-lasting effects on a person's well-being. However, with the right support and tools, it is possible to heal and move forward with a greater sense of self-worth, trust, and emotional well-being. Remember, seeking therapy is not a sign of weakness or failure. It is one of the best forms of self-care that one can get. Just like showing a doctor when you have a injury that requires medical help, psychological therapy helps you to heal from wounds of the past. Often, we are far more willing to get a hair spa and a facial than we would be to get therapeutic help for our mental well-being. With the correct guidance, time and effort, one can overcome the effects of the mother wound and move forward towards a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.


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